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[24 Feb 2008|11:44pm] |
Oh my god. Please do not even tell me that that stupid No Country for Old Men, a crap movie with no point based on one of the worst books ever written actually just beat the unqualified masterpiece There Will Be Blood for Best Picture. That shit is ridiculous. I'm appalled.
Now in completely other bitching, can anyone tell me why there are adds on my livejournal? I'm not happy about that either, and I don't know what do to about it.
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| Fuck Netflix! |
[21 Feb 2008|11:35pm] |
Netflix can go bankrupt themselves. I hope they crash and burn. Yes, I've been "throttled." The funny thing is that I've been a member for years, and I only started actually using them regularly within the past month. Prior to that I would send back movies at MOST twice a month. Well I returned 7 last month for the first time ever, and now I'm being throttled. Netflix is a humongous asshole of a company, and even if you are not being throttled now, trust me -- all it takes is one flu cycle and you are shit out of luck. Get out while you can, show solidarity to those getting screwed by the system, and join greencine -- they are not Netflix, which is AWESOME, but they also explicitly state that they do NOT throttle their customers.
Oh yeah, and tell everyone to go to my awesome blog in which I attack the culture of business that leads to dickhead corporations like Netflix -- newmasses.blogspot.com
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| My new blog... |
[14 Feb 2008|01:30pm] |
is newmasses.blogspot.com
FUCKIN' BLOGS, RIGHT?!?!!
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[04 Feb 2008|03:59pm] |
Last night's Baby Dee performance was absolutely amazing. She is a great live performer (and totally off her nut, but those two things are not necessarily unrelated). Very fun show with some touching, earnest moments included.
Though I should mention that Aliza Shapiro, the endlessly self-promoting impresario of Boston queer nightlife, showed up with the usual stack of fliers in hand and proceeded to chit-chat during the performance -- mostly during the quiet songs. This reminded me of when Stephen Morse, the former Globe music critic, talked through an entire Bettye LaVette performance. Why do these "insiders" feel that they do not need to show any courtesy to other performers, audiences, etc.? I have concluded long ago that Aliza Shapiro is a better promoter of herself than others, but it does sadden me that she could not show a little more kindness during a quiet show at a tiny venue.
Anyway, my bitching aside, it was a lovely evening and I hope Baby Dee returns and all the haters give her a chance to charm them, even if they hate her voice.
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| OMG I FUCKING LOVE BEES |
[30 Jan 2008|03:15pm] |
OMG I LOVE THEM SO MUCH. BEES! THEY'RE SO AWESOME. I JUST LOVE BEES. THEY CAN BE REALLY FCUKING HIULARIOUS, AND THEY LOVE TO STING!!!! OMG! THEY ARE ALL LIKE, HEY ASSHOLE -- OMG ZZZZZZ! END OF STORY!
FUCKIN A RIGHT!
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[21 Jan 2008|12:30pm] |
Okay, so I have been trying my damnedest to alert people who did not have the traumatic six years living under the Romney nightmare residents of Massachusetts endured to the terrifying potential for evil of which this truly frightening man is capable. A healthcare plan that actually makes things worse? Check! A legitimate disdain for poor people? Check! Etc. etc. etc. For a number of reasons, I find him to be a significantly more horrible candidate than even Huckabee -- and MH is a scary, scary man.
In any event, I can only assume that the source for this quote from Romney's appearance commemorating Martin Luther King, Jr. comes from the Onion:
“Who let the dogs out? Who? Who?” Romney said, singing the chorus of a
popular song while posing with children. Admiring a child’s gold necklace,
he said, “You’ve got some bling-bling, too.”
Oh wait, no. That's actually from the Globe. And it's an actual piece of journalism on Romney's MLK Day appearance in FL.
Check it! Check it!
http://www.boston.com/news/politics/politicalintelligence/2008/01/romney_educatio.html
What a tool.
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| Better late than never.... |
[08 Jan 2008|11:59pm] |
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Okay, so I'm a little late, but Yoko Ono's Yes, I'm a Witch is some muthafucking hot shit. Bitches turn the beats out!!!
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| For the San Francisco Zoo Tiger |
[28 Dec 2007|06:16pm] |
Tatiana, O!
a poem
Tiger, tiger burning bright
Killing people isn’t right
Think you got some good excuses?
Blow it out your striped cabooses.
Yes, your boredom in your cage
Sent you in a killing rage;
Yes, those assholes taunting you
Made you angry through-and-through;
But dear, you must understand
This is my stern reprimand
For the carnage you have wrought
And the lessons you have taught
Such as “fuck with me and die!’
Or: “I eat humans when they cry.”
None of these make me feel happy
And those twins you bit feel crappy.
I can be your good advisor
On curbing them big incisors
Don’t you know they rip through flesh
Like my dick shreds swimsuit mesh?
If a mammal has big teeth,
Everyone in the world agreeth
He must work on easing stress
And flying into rages less
Breathe, O, Tatiana, breathe!
Make your body feel at eathe
Now relax your every muscle
Tune out life’s hustle and bustle.
Swallow twice and think things through
Question everything you do
And most of all, this is the key:
Don’t challenge the world you see.
That cage you’re in? Hey, don’t fight it
That arm outstretched? Hey, don’t you bite it.
The habitat you left behind?
Put it right out of your mind.
Miss your family in Bengal?
Don’t write letters. Don’t make calls.
Just accept your caged-in fate
Make it look like you feel great
Pace your ground and don’t stir up
Trouble in a coffee cup
Just relax, don’t try to fight
Accept that your captor’s right
Challenging your situation
Will just cause undue frustration
And when people visit you
And say, “haha, fuck you fool!
You can’t get me! I’m out here!
You’re in there! I have no fear!
Look, he’s getting angry dude!
To bad he can’t reach people food!
Haha, humans are the best
Fuck you tiger, and with your mama make incest!”
You just sit and stand your ground
Don’t make a peep, don’t make a sound
The world around you can’t be changed
The system won’t be rearranged
You’ll be happy as you are
Like a bug trapped in a jar
Gently wiling all your days
Feeling good and so blasé
Your brain will empty and disappear
You’ll have no thoughts, like Brittney Spears
And then you will satisfied
And the zoo will be gratified
As visitors all come and go
And zoo bank accounts grow and grow
And wild beasts will appear tame
And animals behave the same
Tiger, tiger, burning bright
Dare not struggle; do not fight
Be like humans, and never tire
By letting all your dreams expire.
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| U2 |
[27 Nov 2007|04:45pm] |
"Bullet the Blue Sky" has got to be the stupidest song ever written. OMG, it sucks.
U2 are the disposable diapers of rock-and-roll: stinky, wasteful, and non-biodegradable. Someone needs to toilet train that baby ASAP.
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[29 Aug 2006|07:58pm] |
Dear all,
I was recently struck by the breathtaking violence that concluded an entry from my dear friend pastrysavant's livejournal. Kristin is an accomplished pastry chef who has, over the years, tantalized me with unconscionably delicious concoctions including banana bread that tasted like a fat loaf of Jesus's cum, green apple sorbet that tasted like the refreshing golden shower of an angel, and espresso ice cream that looked kind of like poop but tasted really fucking good.
Anyway.
I would post a link to her blog, but I don't know how... I am way too stupid for livejournal, apparently. In any event, I believe her point about white chocolate should come across quite clearly.
Enjoy.
Kristin writes:
and then this leads me to my final thought. if i ever, ever, ever have control of a menu i'm saying this: no white chocolate ever. i don't care who you are that comes in and wants white chocolate. no. if you want it that bad, take a "vanilla" candle, melt down the wax, roll it into a ball, and stick that in your mouth, shut up, and get the fuck out of my restaurant.
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[11 Aug 2006|03:04pm] |
I am quite legitimately confused by the media hysteria about the latest foiled terrorist plot. Um... isn't this what the government is supposed to be doing all the time -- foiling terrorist plots? I mean, boston.com is now featuring a massive headline that says "Feeling the effects of a foiled terror plot"... accompanied by a devastating photograph of someone having to shockingly discard their shaving cream before boarding a plane.
And the articles themselves are trying so hard to seem like something horrible has happened, but all they can point to is long lines at the airport and people with acid reflux boarding airplanes without a bottle of Pepto.
How can you "feel the effects" of something that didn't happen?? Why are they reporting on this plot like there was an actual attack????????? If we are actually "at war with terrorists," as Bush constantly repeats, doesn't it stand to reason that the government should be pretty constantly stopping these attacks before they occur? I just assume that's what there doing; why is this such shocking news?
And another thing: if we are supposed to be extra superduper scared because the attack was foiled at the 11th hour, that makes even less sense. Haven't we learned enough about these terrorist cells by this point to know that the participants themselves do not get their direct orders until the last minute? How would the government arrest the participants if they don't even know who they are or what they're supposed to be doing yet?
I'm as scared of terrorism as the next person, and I already have a fear of flying that requires a mouthful of xanax to even get on a plane. But I just do not understand why this particular incident is being treated with such gravity. The plot was diverted! No planes were "blown out of the sky," as the reporting keeps saying over and over and over. But we're still supposed to be traumatized...
I don't get it!!!
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[26 Jun 2006|08:25pm] |
Flag burning amendments are SO STUPID. OMYGOD, SO STUPID!!
OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG sooooooo stupid!!!!!
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[19 May 2006|11:16am] |
I would like to take this opportunity to congratulate the US senate for FINALLY declaring English the national language. Up until now, I have found it next to impossible to communicate with anyone in this country because no one can understand English. Growing up in an English-speaking home, it was very difficult for me to go to school and have to speak English. Whenever I go to an ATM, I just have to hope to Christ that the machine has an option for English. And you know what, I've had enough of this shit. I didn't live in America my whole life just to feel like my language is somehow less great than someone else's. English fucking rocks, and I am glad the Senate finally showed that they have the cajones -- excuse me, the balls -- to declare a national language. Now things should really start cooking in AMERICA. I can almost smell the rubber on the cement as multinational corporations start trucking to set up manufacturing facilities right back here in the English-speaking US of A.
THANKS, SENATE!
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[15 May 2006|08:58pm] |
So now Mr. Bush wants to send more national guard troops to defend the border. What an ass. I will never understand why so many people in this country are anti-immigrant. I am not willing to even entertain arguments about this... too many pseudo-lefty types try to play it both ways on immigration. This country was founded by immigrants and for immigrants, and anyone who would try to keep immigrants out is un-American and stupid.
Si, se puerde!
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[21 Mar 2006|10:33am] |
Oh my god, in Bush's news conference he just referred to Iraq as an "emergencing democracy."
He's falling apart!
I agree though... Iraq is an emergencing democracy.
Also, on social security: "I'm not deterred by the fact that nothing happened."
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| Men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men |
[26 Jan 2006|10:16am] |
http://www.boston.com/news/education/k_12/articles/2006/01/26/schoolboys_bias_suit/?page=1
Well well well. Look what we have here. Poor little Michael Anglin, who's name not only sounds like a popular MALE pasttime but also includes many of the letters found in "vagina", and who, furthermore, unfortunately escaped LEGALIZED ABORTION and was born, has decided to file suit against Milton's schools because they are discriminating against their pitiable Male students. Michael! How daring! It must have taken a lot of masculine courage to stand up against the juggernaut that is our current matriarchal system and say, "Attention America! I am a poor little Male victim! I am a sad littleGuy who needs extra attention!"
Reading further in the Globe article -- which required several swipes at the ol' eyes to wipe down the tears that tend to well up whenever I encounter such harrowing tales of heroic stabs at injustice -- I discover that Men are naturally rebels. Well no fucking shit! I mean, isn't it obvious that's why so many of them dress exactly like their favorite NASCAR drivers and work in corporate jobs and all get married at roughly the same age and have nearly identical numbers of children? Why else would so many of them choose to do spontaneous things like overturn cars when the Patriots win a Superbowl? Why else, speaking of the Patriots, would the Krafts be planning a huge mall in Foxborough specifically targetting Men? It is as plain as the boring clothes and uninteresting haircut sported by Michael Anglin in today's Globe: Given the choice, Men choose the path less trod.
While we are on the subject of Men, I would like to give an extra special shout-out to a really stand-up guy who is playing a backseat role in Anglin's noble mission. This Man, of course, is Anglin's father, the lawyer in Boston. Atty. Anglin has decided to do what so many father's refuse to do in this society: he is embracing his son's dreams. No, it's more than that: he is actually willing to risk his career by filing this lawsuit on behalf of his son. Kudos, Atty. Anglin! As should be obvious to anyone familiar with your claim, you are evidently NOT an asshole who encourages his economically privileged, alabaster white children to create a false sense of victimization in order to embolden their cocks so they know they can accomplish (or rebel against) ANYTHING, no matter how patently offensive or intellectually unsound their arguments. No, Atty. Anglin, it is pretty clear to me that you would have very little to do with your son's lawsuit, other than just jotting down his dictation. Thanks for being such a sport, Atty.
I would also like to give special credit to Kelli Little, who, despite her diminutive name, is actually quite powerful: she is student body president. Now as though the fact that a girl is student body president isn't anecdotal evidence enough, Little comes at ya with all kinds of fancy statistics and killer bullet points supporting Anglin's claims. Men are stopped in hallways! Men are not enrolling in Spanish courses! Men are expected to buy pink paper and frills to decorate their notebooks! Oh. The humanity. Thank you, Kelli Little, for coming down off your lofty gender-and-democratically-privileged pedestal to regale us with such thoughtful observations. It is mighty bold of you to support Anglin in his ambitious plot to reverse forty years of feminist progress.
I do not want to continue commenting on the quest to end Male victimization. Lord knows there's all kinds of praise I could lay upon Michael Anglin for his innovative plans to support sports in our high schools, lower academic achievement goals for Male students, and eliminate those pesky community service requirements that demand Men actually improve themselves and their communities in a most faggy manner. No, I will leave it to other bards to sing those praises; as for me, I need to follow Atty. Anglin's advice and go see my academic advisor about retroactively lowering my unfortunate GPA. It's not as masculine as Michael Anglin's enviably butch 2.88, but if I can get them to knock off a couple points, I can get there. Hell, a Man can dream.
http://www.boston.com/news/education/k_12/articles/2006/01/26/schoolboys_bias_suit/?page=1
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| JT Leroy = Milli Vanilli |
[09 Jan 2006|10:59am] |
Holy shit!!!!!
http://www.nytimes.com/2006/01/09/books/09book.html?emc=eta1
The next big question, of course, is who the hell is that on the cover of Dennis Cooper's Period?!?!!
Addendum:
Okay, so the Dennis Cooper question is answered in New York magazine: "We know now that a different image he used for his book jacket in 2000 is not him. That photograph also graced Dennis Cooper’s novel Period, and in an interview with Void Books, Cooper explained that they were not pictures of LeRoy but photos of Cooper’s 'great friend and muse' George Miles, taken in 1967, when he was 14 and Miles was 12."
Official word: JT Leroy is a washed up failed rock chick who invented a bullshit "character" to write "her" "fiction." FUCK IRONY. The 90s are FUCKING OVER!!!!!
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| Eulogy for Patriot Act |
[16 Dec 2005|03:48pm] |
Fare thee well, young patriot act. You will be missed. I remember when you were first born. You looked so icky and disgusting, I almost wanted to put you back in your mama. Then we washed off the placenta, blood, and vaginal juices, and you turned out to be a pretty cute baby. I remember when you did your first roving wiretap. SOOOOO CUTE! I wanted to pick you up and hug you. Then there was the first time you requested bookstore customer data. Ohhhh, you little rascal!
Then I remember when the doctor told us that you were a sick little baby. My heart sank, because even if you could be a little irritating, you were so fucking patriotic! And you had the FUNNIEST dimples. But the doctor said you might die, and that you had a weak heart and that people didn't like you much. I felt sad, Patriot Act, because no one likes it when babies die. I mean, there's a whole archive of jokes about dead babies that are really just an effort to make lemonade out of some pretty sour lemons.
And then I heard you were gone. Oh, Patriot Act! You weren't even out of pampers yet. I'm even going to miss those things I hated most about you: the way you always got diarrhea every time you had apple juice. The way you would throw up every time you got in the car. The way you would scream and scream and scream until you got the files you wanted.
Aw fuck it. You were a lousy baby, Patriot Act. Just because you're dead doesn't mean I have to play all nicey-nice. You sucked pretty bad, and there's actually not much I'll miss about you. You're "better off dead." Oh and by the way, Patriot Act.... Got yer nose!!!!!!
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[29 Nov 2005|12:52pm] |
In case you haven't had an ear to the ground, the word on the street is that the New Pope is a really big LOSER. Not only is he often found prancing around in little red shoes and a farcical dunce cap, he is also constantly passing notes around the vatican in which he tries to make it seem like gay people are evil. NICE TRY, POPE. Everyone remembers the kid in elementary school who was such a loser that they had to try and find something wrong with everyone else to take the heat off their own awkwardness. Well I will be goddamned if I am going to let some nerdy "man" in a bunch of really tacky robes and shit tell me I can't come to his birthday party because I am a homo. GUESS WHAT, POPE? I WASN'T GOING TO COME ANYWAY. Jesus christ. His name actually rhymes with "dope."
The pope is a big, big loser. IF YOU SEE THE POPE, DO NOT GIVE HIM ATTENTION. That's exactly what he wants. What a pathetic little moron.
This is the pope:
<<<<( >:(
See? HIS EMOTICON EVEN LOOKS LIKE AN ASSHOLE.
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